Thursday, June 20, 2013

Putting a lyrical spin on the Browns-Bon Jovi cancellation

Bringing Bon Jovi to FirstEnergy Stadium on short notice for a kickoff celebration ranked somewhere between drafting a troubled Division II player and hiring a TV personality as general manager on the list of good ideas.

The Eagles, Giants or Jets would make the idea work. Bon Jovi, after all, is an East Coast rocker who always attracts crowds in Philadelphia or New Jersey. Perhaps Banner thought he was booking an act for Lincoln Financial Field instead of FirstEnergy Stadium.

But this is Cleveland, where the tastes are different and the football is far worse. Plus, Bon Jovi played at Quicken Loans Arena in March, thus diminishing local demand for his tunes.

The Browns announced earlier this week the cancellation of the Bon Jovi concert and kickoff celebration scheduled for July 14.  Banner, Owner Jimmy Haslam and President Alec Scheiner are staying mum on the subject, which is troubling considering the annoying gloating when they announced the concert last month.

To keep with the spirit of the failed concert, here's the state of the Browns based on titles of popular Bon Jovi songs:

"Livin' on a Prayer" -- How else do you explain the Browns since 1999?

"It's My Life" -- A tune for defiant Browns such as Armonty Bryant.

"Bad Medicine" -- So that's what Gordon received from his doctor.

"Who Says You Can't Go Home" -- True. But if you're Haslam, is returning to Knoxville a good idea right now?

"Wanted Dead or Alive" -- Never mind.

"You Give Love a Bad Name" -- Great way to describe the relationship between the franchise and many of its ardent supporters.

"Have a Nice Day" -- Somewhere beneath his calm breath Banner utters this phrase to those who cross him.

"I'll Be There For You" -- What Joe Thomas sings to skill players on karaoke nights.

"Blaze Of Glory" -- A gun slingin' tune for chuck-it-anywhere quarterback Brandon Weeden.

-- Guy Cipriano | @newsheraldguy


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